Self-Assessment and Sexual Addiction

There are many reasons for sexual addiction. In this article, discover how self-assessment and the resulting inner tension may be the main reasons behind many sexual addictions.

Sexual Addiction Screening Test

Harv called me for a phone consultation because his wife, Nancy, threatened to leave him if he didn’t get help. “I must be all messed up with my sexuality. I constantly want to have sex with my wife and she is disgusted by it. When she will not have sex with me I am angry and sullen. I love my wife and I don’t want her to go away, but I do. I can’t seem to help myself. I’m so confused about all this. Is it wrong to love your wife and want to have sex with her? Is it my problem or her problem? Is there something wrong with her sexuality that she doesn’t want more sex with me? ” Harv fills me in the background.

He grew up with a father who was very judgmental and controlling. It seemed that no matter how hard Harv worked on their farm and at school, it was never good enough for his father. As we worked together, it became clear that Harv had learned his lesson well. His father’s voice was constantly in his head, judging him for not working enough. And he beat himself up without hesitation with his own judgment if he made a mistake. As we worked together, Harv became aware of the knot in his stomach he felt every time he assessed himself. And she is aware of the fact that whenever she feels this knot in her stomach, she wants to have sex to release this tension.

As a child, he had learned to masturbate as a way of releasing the tension he felt from his father’s constant appraisal of him. She became addicted to using her orgasms as a way of managing her stress. Now, in his marriage, he is addicted to his wife releasing his tension. He believed that it was his duty to provide this for her, as she was his wife. Of course, this didn’t cause Nancy to feel loved by him or attracted to him. In uncertain terms, he tells her that he feels used by her and is no longer willing to have sex with her unless there is emotional intimacy and connection between them. She tells him that she is turned off by her needs and doesn’t want to be just a source of liberation for him. Harv didn’t realize that his tension was due to his own judgment.

Am I a Sex Addict?

She believes that her tension is caused by external circumstances, such as problems at work or disapproval from others. As she began to become more aware of her inner system, she saw that whenever she assessed herself, she felt the knot, and whenever she felt the knot, she wanted sex to untie it. When we explored her beliefs about why it’s so important to judge herself, she learned that she believed that if she didn’t work hard enough or made mistakes, she was a bad person. He felt the need to judge himself so that he could work hard enough and not make mistakes in order to be a good person.

As long as Harv believes he is a bad person if he doesn’t work hard enough, he will judge himself to work harder and do things right. Through our work together, Harv learns to embrace his essential goodness – his caring, compassion, tenderness and tenderness.

She can see her extraordinary qualities in her relationship with her little children, whom she loves dearly. As he learns to define his good internally rather than externally through his work and performance, he can gradually let go of his self-judgment. Now Harv no longer uses sex in an addictive manner. He approached Nancy for sex only when he felt happy, peaceful and loving. He has discovered that there is nothing wrong with Nancy’s sexuality – that he is overly excited when he feels loved rather than used!

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